MY ANGEL

2011 Group Study Exchange Selection
Rotary District 3820 bound for Ohio, USA
October 9-10, 2010

I was adamant in saying “I claim it!” because I have wanted it too bad.
At the start, though – I simply wanted to get off the ground by jumping to the sun. I knew I stood a slight chance knowing my papers surely would not reach the committee on time. Not that I distrusted the courier, but that submitting on the last day (the very day I learned of the selection) wouldn’t make quite an impression – to me, at least, if I were the evaluator. The following day, however, was a turning point. I received a call from “an angel,” who seemed, without a word, to have an inspired confidence in me; his very voice spoke of calmness I could only interpret to be divine. That sealed my fate – this is a gift, literally – and not listening to the voice is shunning away from what is fated. Recently, I had the same chance that I chose to miss, because I wanted to do what was right. God must have loved me too much to have given me another, without the encumbrances, and I would be a fool to pass it up.
Off I went, not having the slightest idea what to expect. I only brought with me my unspoken faith, my god-given gifts, proofs of my human accomplishments – and proudly, my unwavering sense of adventure – the passion to walk the unchartered. I braved the sickening bus ride (I have motion sickness!) and thought I was at the edge of the earth when I reached the rustic venue. It was quite an expensive trip, for one who is not financially affluent as I am. Alone in the room, I was asking help from friends – in truth I was asking for affirmation, and unintentionally sending a disclaimer – that if I didn’t make it, it is because of reasons I have yet to concoct. At any rate, I survived a lonely and costly night.
Come the day of the selection. I was no longer feeling the jitters because I started to meet others. I love to be around people – their warmth seemed to blend with mine that slowly I was myself again. While getting to know the pack, I was sizing them up – no, not assessing my chance – but, inferring into their personalities. Everyone seemed to be overly eager, and was in for a tough competition. The way they spoke and carried themselves exuded so much self-assurance befitting their qualifications and experiences. The go-getters went over-board, it seemed. I didn’t mind – I might have done the same had I been younger.
The group dynamics was a defining moment – whoever thought of it did an excellent job. It was also perfectly timed because everyone apparently had the momentum, all in their best shape to give it their all. It was different for me – I thought I had become me. That was me – all ready to give way and allow others to shine -- and to offer my insight, only when needed. When it was all over, I had secured my place; I knew it. But, what made it more significant was my realization that finally, I am done with the fast track, over with the dog-eat-dog system – I was unperturbed by the idea of winning; it was easy to relinquish myself on the background. I could simply watch others grow, actualize their passion – while I, I can offer inspiration, the desire to keep on, the rage for life’s beauty, truth and good.
The wait for the interview was agonizing. I had to relive myself at least 10 times. Perhaps, for the longest time, I had been intimidating others that I forgot how to be intimidated. It was like waiting for death to come through a scythe hanging by my nose, pendulum by my side. I watched candidates one to nineteen meet their slow death in the pit, as one by one they were led out of the holding room. There were like one or two who faced near-death but made their way back through the tunnel, and consumed us with more distress. The idea of sing and dance without at least a week’s practice tortured me. I thought I’d write them a workbook in English 2, for a change.
My turn came – leaving at least eight more. The pre-death area was encouraging as I got to be informally interviewed by people who tried to ease out the misery; it was like them saying death is a universal human experience and is the greatest leveler of mankind. By the time I got to the hot seat, with ten people in the panel and at least ten others who all seemed to devour my senses, my confidence almost snapped. I felt though, that the same angel who spoke to me in the beginning was right there – true enough, he was there – and I couldn’t disappoint him – not when I imagined he had tremendous belief in me. Questions kept coming, like bullets that I didn’t have the time to rethink my responses. I answered as candidly as possible, as far as my sincerity and intelligence could muster. Spontaneously, my strength grew that I wanted them to ask more because I could have shown them more. I faltered though when asked what is it that would make them pick me for the coveted post. They all debunked my piece, but I suddenly remembered and told them why I was there in the first place – that I wanted it so bad, more than the rest perhaps. When a panelist questioned: “So, you feel it?” There was not the slightest shrill in my voice and doubt in my heart when I gently said: “No, sir. I claim it!” I saw the pride in the eyes of my angel, and my heart grew – voiceless, I thanked him. And I thanked God, for loving me so much enough to make me believe that His angels also “serve who only stand and wait…”