TORN

I am not really the materialistic type -- I have few needs, to say the least.  I love things that money can buy, but I value more those that money can't.  But often, whenever i get the chance to reflect, like now -- I start weighing my options, even go to the length of comparing myself to others.  Not that I am dissatified with where I am and with what I've got -- far from that. After all, i also enjoy the nobility of my profession and the glory of my position. I have achieved in a few years what others achieved all their life.  Only, when i see others so much more financially affluent than i am -- when I really feel I have so much more talent and i work thrice as hard -- I ask:  What have I got?  I am still human. Sometimes, i feel i deserve more because I give more.

So, I toy with the idea of leaving everything behind -- all that I have worked for, family included -- for that one shot deal that might be life-changing.  But whenever I see chances unfold, i am left with the same question.  What have I got?  But more than that i ask:  What matters to me more?  Am I ready to give up the comfortable, stable, safe -- albeit, simple and laidback -- life, that my husband and I  created for our children?  Will I be able to compensate time lost and love wasted with all the nice things the world offers?  Worse, will I survive the cruelty of the world out there?

I am torn.