Eyes wide open (forget about a literal image!), in my conscious realm, but while in a trance (T-rash sanitation, R-adiation fear, A-nxiety, N-osebleed mode, C-hurva, E-klavu. Yeah, I'm sure my friends KNOW what my trance moments could be like) -- I saw Allison die. Nope, not a slow heartwrenching death. Swift. Painless. Devoid of the slightest struggle. It was like dying in the arms of an angel. Peaceful.
My Allison WAS an embodiment of the true, the good, the beautiful. Perfection at its finest. Excellence. And now, I have watched her die -- not holding on to a breath like I once watched a death so devastating. But this time, my spirit is intact. My spirit is free.
I have WILLFULLY let go of Allison. In life, there are things more precious than my Allison. In life, there are things unfolding bigger than me. It's not about me. It's about some bigger things, even more precious than she who was wrought in my own flesh and blood. Her death gave rise to a finer spirit in me -- calmer, compassionate, unafraid.
With her death, I died. But in rising again, I give life...
(Welcome Mediocrity! Goodbye Excellence. To borrow Maisie's parallelism: If others can be mediocre for no reason, why can't we be mediocre FOR A REASON!?? With a disclaimer in place, I can now go back to work! CALMLY, yes. I'm mourning. Ahhhhh, pasensya na mga tao, antok lang!)